i really hate it when people refer to me as a spoiled brat or anak orang kaya. okay, people need to like understand that i'm nowhere near that!
i don't get whatever i want easily. it's true, i do get most of the things that i want but trust me, i have to go through hell before i can actually have my hands on it. so, please. shut up and think before u judge my life okay. i have to work hard for what i want. i have to earn everything i want. but yes, of course, sometimes it comes free. contoh, kalau orang bagi gift ke apa. tu dah memang nasib baik lah kan.
what u see about me, about my life semua ni, is what i CHOOSE TO SHOW. so maybe korang semua memang tak pernah and tak akan nampak the other side of me and my life. u don't know what kind of hell i've been through and STILL going through.
trust me, this life i'm leading, yeah.. it's not one of those normal lives that u see on TV. let's face it, no one actually live a normal life. mesti ada jugak keunikannya.
so, if u guys ever think i'm more privileged than u are, think again. maybe what i have is what u don't have. but have u ever thought that maybe u have something that i don't? come on, life isn't fair. takboleh la one person nak ada semua. mesti kena balance. you got some, and i got some. that's why we need each other in this world. to balance each other out.
okay, dah. tu je nak cakap. jgn suka suka je make assumptions sendiri tentang org lain. err boleh tu boleh la. tapi sampai nak bitch out about it sampai merosakkan hidup orang lain? tak perlu lah kot. setakat nak judge dari jauh tu nak buat mcm mana kan. memang lumrah manusia la ada opinion sendiri about everyone. tapi keep it to yourself sudah la. jgn kecoh sangat.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
on your way out
it's sad.yeah, very sad. when the one you trusted, the
one you shared everything with, the one you thought would always have your back
finally turn around and spike you from faaaaarr.
but now, you're the one who ruin it. now, i wish i have another you so that i can call him/her up and tell him/her about you, about how you made me cry. aku tak sangka kita akan jadi mcmni. betul betul tak sangka. kau lah satu-satunya yg aku rasa takkan ever, EVER dissapoint me or let me down. tapi aku salah anggap kot. betul lah orang cakap, sebaik mana pun kawan, mesti dia akan buat kita nangis jugak. takpelah, aku pun tak salahkan kau sehabis-habisnya. part of it, was my fault jugak kan? seperti yg telah kau nyatakan.
cuma.. aku tak pernah sangka yg we will go this way. dah, aku pun taknak elaborate apa yg aku expect from our friendship ni. honest to God, i had plans about us. i thought we could go further. but you've hurt me so bad this time. aku tak rasa aku pernah rasa seteruk ni. betul lah org cakap, kena tibai byk kali mcm mana pun, konon dah biasa, dah tak sakit. tapi bila org yg kita tak pernah sangka boleh buat kita nangis finally buat kita nangis, perghhh. dalam gila la terasa pedihnya.
apa-apa pun, take good care of yourself, buddy. i will miss having you in my life.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
seeing stripes?
why are tiger cubs so damn cute? or is it me who's losing it here? okay, make sense if i'm the lune here. i mean, first, i thought baby pandas are cute. but.. that was like right after i watched Kung Fu Panda 2. go figure -.- and then, i fell in love with baby tigers?! that's probably due to excessive exposure to their image on TV, damn it! yes, i am SO BORED at home that even MTV or all those Kardashians baggage can entertain me no more. and mind you, i have no movie channels. therefore, occassionally, i tune in to those discovery channels or nat geo(s) or the animal planet channels. so, yeah, if you're wondering, yes, i HAD consider of pulling the trigger on my brain if i even have a gun in the first place, just to save myself from dying out of boredom instead.
but no, suicide plans are not the input here. i just can't get over the fact how warm and soft i get, just for the cubs. i mean seriously, who goes all "awwww" to tigers? not just the cubs, even the big, fully-grown adult ones. haih. i am really losing it.
and plus, they sound so cute! they don't do the gruesome roars like the adults. they have a merely playful roar that will make u go "awww, u tried to roar" -.- yes please, shoot me. and of course, as cubs, they're as playful as kittens. jumping around here and there, chasing their own tails and rolling all over with their siblings.
hm. i should really go get a job. or just go out more often while i still can. oh riiiiiigggghhhhttttt. in order to go out, i would need money. in order to have money, i have to work. in order to work, i have to actully go out and find one. but, to go out, i'd need money.funny how i feel like i keep going round and round on this.
bang bang boom *shoot myself*
Monday, June 20, 2011
realize
in this past couple of months.. i've finally come to my senses and realized.. that i'm not ready to be in a relationship. ahh, bite me. and it's such a pain to know that i had to hurt someone to realized that. maybe la, i'm not sure if i got someone hurt or not.
and also, i've discovered that i'm not a girlfriend-material kind of girl. haha. yes i know, i'm a flirt. well, most of the time i am. but come on, let's get real. i'm not what most guys would want in a realtionship. alright, sampai situ je nak cakap. tak perlu elaborate lebih lebih kot.
I'm just a better friend than i am a girlfriend. so, when i'm friends with guys, they might find me easy to get along with. or easy to talk with or whatever. but when i'm The Girlfriend, oh shit, the grenade just dropped!
idk, maybe it's just me. i'd get all nervous and uncomfortable about it and ended up screwing everything up. and for that, i apologize in advance to u guys. (u guys should know who u are). and also, i apologize to those who felt like u've been played or cheated or taken-advantage-of in the past. i sincerely didn't mean to hurt any of u guys. and i believe u guys deserve better.
*so, please. no grudges needed to be held. past is past. let it just be another by-gone and go back to being friends. (sigh). as much as i hate it, i understand if it's hard for u to let this go and get back to being friends. fine, i ain't pushing myself on u. i just hope u'll frogive me someday. and thank you for everything.
and also, i've discovered that i'm not a girlfriend-material kind of girl. haha. yes i know, i'm a flirt. well, most of the time i am. but come on, let's get real. i'm not what most guys would want in a realtionship. alright, sampai situ je nak cakap. tak perlu elaborate lebih lebih kot.
I'm just a better friend than i am a girlfriend. so, when i'm friends with guys, they might find me easy to get along with. or easy to talk with or whatever. but when i'm The Girlfriend, oh shit, the grenade just dropped!
idk, maybe it's just me. i'd get all nervous and uncomfortable about it and ended up screwing everything up. and for that, i apologize in advance to u guys. (u guys should know who u are). and also, i apologize to those who felt like u've been played or cheated or taken-advantage-of in the past. i sincerely didn't mean to hurt any of u guys. and i believe u guys deserve better.
*so, please. no grudges needed to be held. past is past. let it just be another by-gone and go back to being friends. (sigh). as much as i hate it, i understand if it's hard for u to let this go and get back to being friends. fine, i ain't pushing myself on u. i just hope u'll frogive me someday. and thank you for everything.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
it's not working out :/
isn't it funny that when we wanna break up with someone, the thing that popped in our mind is probably..
"sorry dude, you're not good enough for me" or "sorry babe, you're not good enough for me".
itu initially. but before we say those words, mesti kita akan fikir balik.. "wait, was i good enough for him/her?" haaaa. lepastu baru la nak start evaluate our ownselves. and sometimes we realize that he/she is sooooo much better than us. and sometimes we think they deserve better than us too, sebab kita pun takde la perfect sgt. tapi this is the common situations laa.
ada jugak situations when memang we are aware that WE ARE BETTER than them. dah kalau diorang terang-terang curang or whatever, then, we won't have any problem lah to say "you're not good enough for me" kan? or some people yg memang jenis perasan hebat and perasan perfect tu.. haa, tu lain kes sikit la. kalau yg jenis mcmtu, memang setiap kali break-up, the partner je akan disalahkan and memang takkan hesitate lah to say "sorry la, you're just not good enough for me". itu lain kes, lain kali baru kita buat lain punya cerita. sambung balik cerita tadi..
i guess what i'm trying to say here is just.. the common thing yg we always hear during break-ups like, "it's not you, it's me" or "i'm sorry. this is for the better" or kata-kata lain yg kononnya sopan tu pada mulanya takde la sopan. mula-mula mesti orang yg nak break tu fikir lain actually. they wanna say something else yg bad tetapi diorang berhenti sejenak sebab terfikir pasal diri sendiri dulu. and tertanya-tanya pulak, "did i do my best in this relationship", and time tu baru nak fikir pasal salah sendiri during the relationship. when i say they actually wanna say bad things bukan lah bad things sgt yg diorang nak cakap. tapi cuba fikir, kalau org nak break, mesti ada reason kan? reason mcm "i tak happy lah dgn you" or "i suka/sayang/minat orang lain" or "i rasa kita different lah. tak serasi" or apa apa lah. so, you see? the reasons tu bukan lah kejam tapi cuba bayangkan, kalau bf/gf kita sendiri tetiba cakap mcmtu, mesti lah org yg mendengar ni tersinggung perasaan kan? haa, tu yang terfikir nak jadi sopan sikit tu. kalau ada la terfikir nak jadi sopan. kalau tak, tu taktau la. kadang-kadang tu fikir punya fikir, sampai terus tak jadi nak minta break sebab dah sedar salah sendiri and terasa mcm nak berubah and save the relationship. pulak dah.
okay, jap. now, i don't know why i'm talking about this issue. i guess.. it just popped in my head lah kot. and yes, memang post ni mcm a bit vague and confusing. even i, myself don't understand what i'm crapping about.
oh well.
"sorry dude, you're not good enough for me" or "sorry babe, you're not good enough for me".
itu initially. but before we say those words, mesti kita akan fikir balik.. "wait, was i good enough for him/her?" haaaa. lepastu baru la nak start evaluate our ownselves. and sometimes we realize that he/she is sooooo much better than us. and sometimes we think they deserve better than us too, sebab kita pun takde la perfect sgt. tapi this is the common situations laa.
ada jugak situations when memang we are aware that WE ARE BETTER than them. dah kalau diorang terang-terang curang or whatever, then, we won't have any problem lah to say "you're not good enough for me" kan? or some people yg memang jenis perasan hebat and perasan perfect tu.. haa, tu lain kes sikit la. kalau yg jenis mcmtu, memang setiap kali break-up, the partner je akan disalahkan and memang takkan hesitate lah to say "sorry la, you're just not good enough for me". itu lain kes, lain kali baru kita buat lain punya cerita. sambung balik cerita tadi..
i guess what i'm trying to say here is just.. the common thing yg we always hear during break-ups like, "it's not you, it's me" or "i'm sorry. this is for the better" or kata-kata lain yg kononnya sopan tu pada mulanya takde la sopan. mula-mula mesti orang yg nak break tu fikir lain actually. they wanna say something else yg bad tetapi diorang berhenti sejenak sebab terfikir pasal diri sendiri dulu. and tertanya-tanya pulak, "did i do my best in this relationship", and time tu baru nak fikir pasal salah sendiri during the relationship. when i say they actually wanna say bad things bukan lah bad things sgt yg diorang nak cakap. tapi cuba fikir, kalau org nak break, mesti ada reason kan? reason mcm "i tak happy lah dgn you" or "i suka/sayang/minat orang lain" or "i rasa kita different lah. tak serasi" or apa apa lah. so, you see? the reasons tu bukan lah kejam tapi cuba bayangkan, kalau bf/gf kita sendiri tetiba cakap mcmtu, mesti lah org yg mendengar ni tersinggung perasaan kan? haa, tu yang terfikir nak jadi sopan sikit tu. kalau ada la terfikir nak jadi sopan. kalau tak, tu taktau la. kadang-kadang tu fikir punya fikir, sampai terus tak jadi nak minta break sebab dah sedar salah sendiri and terasa mcm nak berubah and save the relationship. pulak dah.
okay, jap. now, i don't know why i'm talking about this issue. i guess.. it just popped in my head lah kot. and yes, memang post ni mcm a bit vague and confusing. even i, myself don't understand what i'm crapping about.
oh well.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
put a sock in it!
a few things bothered me these days. and benda yang paling obvious, paling selalu occur lah kan time-time cuti ni.. is how guys always stressing on about me learning how to cook.
i mean.. seriously, who the hell do you guys think you are? kalau korang tu bapak aku, takpe lah jugak. ayah aku sendiri pun kadang-kadang ajak jugak aku berjinak-jinak kat dapur tu. tapi gasak lah kan. dia ayah aku. and he cooks up really tasty meals too. so.. bila dia sebok sebok suruh aku "tengok ni, papa ajar mcm mana nak buat kari".. i don't really protest. because i know that he's not asking me to cook for his own benefit. he just wants me to cook for my own benefit. so that later on, in my life, i'll know how to survive. and even kalau dia memang ajar aku masak for his own benefit, then, so be it lah! dia ayah aku. i am totally fine with cooking for my dad. i mean all this while, he's been cooking for me kan? *by the way, mama, jasamu tetap dikenang. mama masak pun sedap. since i'm talking about guys here.. mama punya part tak masuk byk sgt lah okay?*
now, korang yang supposedly "my friends" ni kan.. boleh la stop with all this shit okay? i know why you're always bringing it up. sebab kononnya i should learn how to cook, so i can cook for my husband kan? ehh tolonglah. give me a break.
korang ke yg nak jadi laki aku? tak kan? ke korang memang dah plan nak buat aku jadi bini korang? kalau ye, memang aku reject awal awal ni lah, gila. belum apa apa lagi, dah nak mengarah aku buat itu ini. belum tunang, belum couple, belum apa.. dah suruh aku belajar masak? pegi jalan laa weh. nak buat buat manja pulak, konon nak makan benda aku masak. aishh, muak aku dengar. kalau betul aku handal bab bab memasak ni pun, belum tentu lagi kau dapat merasa. bukan kita tinggal sebumbung ke apa yg kau nak merasa makanan aku masak.
jadi, sesiapa yang terasa tu, ambik jelah sebijik ye. bukan nak kurang ajar ke apa, tapi seriously la kawan, benda ni memang sumpah bapak annoying gila. dalam bahasa lain, a real royal pain in the ass. don't get me wrong. i would love to learn how to cook. tapi bila benda tu budak lelaki yang suruh, dengan alasan "nanti kan nak jadi bini orang".. aku memang naik minyak la. aku tak pernah pulak bercita cita nak kahwin pastu jadi kuli batak orang. aku nak belajar masak ke apa ke biar kat aku lah. and aku tak pernah pun terfikir "aku ni bengap kalau pasal memasak. tak lama lagi nak kahwin. so, aku kena la belajar masak. nanti boleh masak sedap sedap untuk laki aku"
-______________________-" MEMANG TAK PERNAH LA WEH.
hopefully, sesiapa yang terbaca ni and terasa, jgn la get offended sangat okay. and trust me, as hard as it is to believe, a lot, i repeat, A LOT of you guys do this. tolong lah, stop it. insyaAllah, KALAU aku kahwin, laki tu akan paham yang aku bukan chef terkemuka dunia. setakat masak air boleh la. and kalau laki tu tak faham, kitorang takkan kahwin pun. so.. why don't you guys take care of yourselves, and i'll try to take good care of mine alright?
i mean.. seriously, who the hell do you guys think you are? kalau korang tu bapak aku, takpe lah jugak. ayah aku sendiri pun kadang-kadang ajak jugak aku berjinak-jinak kat dapur tu. tapi gasak lah kan. dia ayah aku. and he cooks up really tasty meals too. so.. bila dia sebok sebok suruh aku "tengok ni, papa ajar mcm mana nak buat kari".. i don't really protest. because i know that he's not asking me to cook for his own benefit. he just wants me to cook for my own benefit. so that later on, in my life, i'll know how to survive. and even kalau dia memang ajar aku masak for his own benefit, then, so be it lah! dia ayah aku. i am totally fine with cooking for my dad. i mean all this while, he's been cooking for me kan? *by the way, mama, jasamu tetap dikenang. mama masak pun sedap. since i'm talking about guys here.. mama punya part tak masuk byk sgt lah okay?*
now, korang yang supposedly "my friends" ni kan.. boleh la stop with all this shit okay? i know why you're always bringing it up. sebab kononnya i should learn how to cook, so i can cook for my husband kan? ehh tolonglah. give me a break.
korang ke yg nak jadi laki aku? tak kan? ke korang memang dah plan nak buat aku jadi bini korang? kalau ye, memang aku reject awal awal ni lah, gila. belum apa apa lagi, dah nak mengarah aku buat itu ini. belum tunang, belum couple, belum apa.. dah suruh aku belajar masak? pegi jalan laa weh. nak buat buat manja pulak, konon nak makan benda aku masak. aishh, muak aku dengar. kalau betul aku handal bab bab memasak ni pun, belum tentu lagi kau dapat merasa. bukan kita tinggal sebumbung ke apa yg kau nak merasa makanan aku masak.
jadi, sesiapa yang terasa tu, ambik jelah sebijik ye. bukan nak kurang ajar ke apa, tapi seriously la kawan, benda ni memang sumpah bapak annoying gila. dalam bahasa lain, a real royal pain in the ass. don't get me wrong. i would love to learn how to cook. tapi bila benda tu budak lelaki yang suruh, dengan alasan "nanti kan nak jadi bini orang".. aku memang naik minyak la. aku tak pernah pulak bercita cita nak kahwin pastu jadi kuli batak orang. aku nak belajar masak ke apa ke biar kat aku lah. and aku tak pernah pun terfikir "aku ni bengap kalau pasal memasak. tak lama lagi nak kahwin. so, aku kena la belajar masak. nanti boleh masak sedap sedap untuk laki aku"
-______________________-" MEMANG TAK PERNAH LA WEH.
hopefully, sesiapa yang terbaca ni and terasa, jgn la get offended sangat okay. and trust me, as hard as it is to believe, a lot, i repeat, A LOT of you guys do this. tolong lah, stop it. insyaAllah, KALAU aku kahwin, laki tu akan paham yang aku bukan chef terkemuka dunia. setakat masak air boleh la. and kalau laki tu tak faham, kitorang takkan kahwin pun. so.. why don't you guys take care of yourselves, and i'll try to take good care of mine alright?
ciao!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
petrified
it's finally over. the waiting, the pain and all. fuhhh. alhamdulillah, everything's done now.
i've finally graduated from that jail about a month ago and yesterday, the results were out. and thank god, i passed. homg! it's about time! now, i can spend every living moment of my holiday ni with joy and real feeling of freedom. no need to worry about anything so much. haha.
happynyaaaa. i hope it stays this way lah. i still remember, when i was crying so hard and insisted on not going there in the first place.. a friend of mine, MZHbAB was telling me that i should be strong and just do it. and he said this would just take a while and after that, everything will be happy endings for me. at that crucial time, his words were a bit soothing and as time passes by, i keep thinking of what he said and i wish he's right.
i hope.. after all the shits i've been put through, there really will be happy endings for me on the other side. i hope all the bad encounters that i had are worthwhile. damn, last year was such a blow, i'm really glad it's over.
alright. so, now. let's focus on what's coming pulak. but imma take it slow coz i still have some time to kill before i kill myself again in a brand new place later. apa apa pun, as for right now, i'm glad :)
i've finally graduated from that jail about a month ago and yesterday, the results were out. and thank god, i passed. homg! it's about time! now, i can spend every living moment of my holiday ni with joy and real feeling of freedom. no need to worry about anything so much. haha.
happynyaaaa. i hope it stays this way lah. i still remember, when i was crying so hard and insisted on not going there in the first place.. a friend of mine, MZHbAB was telling me that i should be strong and just do it. and he said this would just take a while and after that, everything will be happy endings for me. at that crucial time, his words were a bit soothing and as time passes by, i keep thinking of what he said and i wish he's right.
i hope.. after all the shits i've been put through, there really will be happy endings for me on the other side. i hope all the bad encounters that i had are worthwhile. damn, last year was such a blow, i'm really glad it's over.
alright. so, now. let's focus on what's coming pulak. but imma take it slow coz i still have some time to kill before i kill myself again in a brand new place later. apa apa pun, as for right now, i'm glad :)
ciao!
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