wrecked.

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain.

We jumped, never asking why.

We kissed.

I fell under your spell.

A love no one could deny.

Don't you ever say I just walked away.

I will always want you.

I can't live a lie, running for my life. 

I will always want you.

I came in like a wrecking ball.

I never hit so hard in love.

All I wanted was to break your walls.

All you ever did was break me.

You, you wreck me.

I put you high up in the sky.

And now, you're not coming down.

It slowly turned, you let me burn.

And now, we're ashes on the ground.

I came in like a wrecking ball.

I just closed my eyes and swung.

Left me crashing in a blazing fall.

All you ever did was wreck me.

You, you wreck me.

I never meant to start a war.

I just wanted you to let me in.

And instead of using force,

I guess I should've let you win.

Don't you ever say I just walked away.

I will always want you.

cut the crap!

There's this thing that has been going on for a while between me and guys. And all this time, I took it lightly and decided not to pay much attention to it. But today, it has reached the point where I feel like it has got to stop.

Seriously needed to be stopped cos I found myself crying because of it.

Ok so straight to the point is.. Guys are always getting the idea that I am a "budak bandar". City girl. Budak KL. And yes, they're right. I am. I was born in a city, raised in a big city. Safe to say, I was born & bred in the city, yes. I am  your so-called "budak bandar", your so-called city girl, your so-called budak KL.

But fuck u all if u think I don't have a big heart, or big dreams to be achieved, or any empathy towards others. Go screw yourselves.

Just because I was raised in a city, u think I'm a bitch? Wait, isn't that like assuming my parents are a bunch of assholes because u think I'm a bitch? So.. I must not be raised well. Typical city girl. Typical uptown girl with her money and big cars.

Well, guess what? My mom wasn't a city girl. So.. she raised me up with a lot of dignity. She thaught me how to socialize with EVERYBODY WITH EQUALITY AND NO JUDGING. So, I'm thinking.. maybe if being a city girl that I am means I am thaught to treat everyone the same and never assume, ok then. I am a city girl and proud of it.

Major problem here now is just that guys from not so "city-ish" places tend to feel inferior of me and then they make so many excuses that make me feel suicidal cos I'm THAT bad.

Example 1:

"yelah, u budak KL, budak bandar. mesti la u takkan suka laki mcm i"

Example 2:

"u tak kisah ke naik kereta dgn i ni? yelah, kereta ni kecik je. u kan nak jaga standard. budak bandar kan"

U know what? I'm sick of all these kind of bullshit. So, instead of u guys just man up and be confident about yourself, u put the fucking blame on me? We're not gonna work out because I'm the "budak bandar" and I'm the one making such a fuss? Most of the time, it's the guys! I never give a shit about who's driving what or who's paying what. It's u guys who are sooo insecure!

I mean.. if u were really so repulsing for me, why would I even talk to u in the first place? Did u ever ask yourselves that? I could've just said "ughh why are u even talking to me. stop breathing my air." when we first met if I was that bitchy of a city girl.

Dumbasses. Dumbasses everywhere.

cowardly idiot.

So.. this news has been broadcast sooo many times here in Malaysia. Not to mention, the video lah kan. It's going viral!

Idk if u guys can view the video or not but if u can't, u can always look it up on YouTube. Try going under "suami pukul isteri dalam lif" and I'm sure you'll get some of this.

Of course, I am very furious about this. Like WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH YOU, M*****F*****?? Bodoh ke bangsat? Perempuan tu bini kau lah, sial.

I'm not so sure about the real story. But from what I heard.. this stupidhead was angry because the wife (the victim) didn't wanna go beraya to his 1st wife's house. That being said, we now know that this guy has 2 or maybe even more wives. And maybe the victim here has some disagreements about going to the 1st wife's house. I'm sure she has her own reasons. Or not. But still, even if she's at fault.. how masculine of u to go slapping and hitting her around. Really. Very masculine. Oh wow. So macho.

But then.. from what I read, the reason for his wrath was one of their 2 kids didn't wanna go back with him. Which is an even more ridiculous reason to beat the wife! 

Dah la gemok! Dayus pulak tu! Nak kata bodoh pun tak cukup. First of all, kalau betul la the victim is his 2nd wife, can u imagine how it went before marrying the girl? He already had a wife! And he still wanted to marry this girl. So.. he married the girl. God knows what happened between him and 1st wife. Entah 1st wife tu bagi permission ke tak entah. Now that he married the girl.. making her his 2nd wife, nak belasah yg ni pulak sebab taknak jumpa the 1st wife? Hamboi. Naik bulu ni bro. Kau ingat perempuan ni apa? Kuli batak kau?

I guess he felt so threatened or hurt or angered by whatever the girl said or did, that he could only think of hitting her and hurting her physically in order to win. Huh. It's clearly seen his masculinity is easily bruised. No, wait. He didn't have any. No masculinity. No balls. Idiotic ball-less stupidhead.

Fucking fucktard.

news flash.

lol. so typical. from HER guy. oh god dammmit.

Halo.

I never promised u a ray of light. I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday. I gave u everything I have. The good, the bad. Why do u put me on a pedestal? I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below. So, help me down. You've got it wrong. I don't belong there.

One thing is clear. I wear a halo. I wear a halo when u look at me. But standing from here, u wouldn't say so. U wouldn't say so if u were me.

I always said that I would make mistakes. I'm only human and that's my saving grace. I'll fall as hard as I try, so, don't be blinded. See me as I really am. I have flaws and sometimes, I even sin. So, pull me from that pedestal. I don't belong there.

I'd like to think that u know me, but in your eyes, I am something above me. That's only in your mind.

Only in your mind, I wear a halo.

pretentious.

I'm sorry everything is going downhill. I'm sorry that nothing is going as planned. To be honest, I never planned this. Everything that is going on and that has been going on were definitely spontaneous. I wouldn't actually say it was out of our control, because frankly, it was in our control. We just didn't want to. I don't even know how we're stuck here. So dysfunctional. It's almost too hard for me to ignore. But it's there. In front of me. So, one way or another, I gotta deal with it.

And for that, I'm sorry I'm not dealing with it in the most matured way or to be specific, the way you want me to handle it. I never knew what you wanted. Never knew what you expected. I'm sorry if this sounds a lot like a defeat but I guess I'm tired. Tired trying to figure it out. Trying to figure you out. Tired of trying to figure this out.

Maybe, one fine day, I'd have all the strength again. I'll gather all my might again. To play this game, with you, again. You caught me off-guard, baby. I wasn't at my strongest when you met me. Wasn't at my best. I was at my lowest point. You brought me up. And just when I'm high enough to be okay, you let go. So, now I'm back where I was. Lower than I've ever been.

Sorry for being this weak. Sorry I couldn't handle this better. I'm not at my best at the moment. I thought at this age, all the games will be put aside. I guess I was wrong. Lol. You must love this. Me, being wrong.

As said by a dear friend; Kalau hati boleh pecah, dah lama terbarai.

Swallow me, then, spit me out.

protecting me

You

You're always there for me

When I need you most

Day and night

You're by my side

Protecting me

When I feel like crashing down

You seem to be around

There you are

You're not that far 'cause

Whenever

Wherever

Baby,

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might 

And you'll never let me go

Protecting me

You listen to me when

I speak out loud and you

You know right when my heart's been bent

When my life's tumbling around

You take me off the ground

You tell me everything's okay

Whenever

Wherever 

Baby,

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might

You'll never let me go

When its my turn

To help you out 

I'll gladly lift you up without a doubt

Whenever

Wherever 

Baby

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might 

You'll never let me go

You

Were always there for me

When I need you most

Day and night you're by my side

Protecting me

impossibility.

If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You're falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

heartless

coldest story ever told
but, the part that they don't know
you broke my heart and changed my soul
and yes, you left.


yes, you left me so heartless.
how could you be so heartless?


you look at me like Dr. Evil
but you brought the other side that i don't know
and i can't help it because you're the reason
for the change in me and why my heart turned cold


you look at me in disbelief
and haven't figured out why you're alone
maybe it had something to do with the cheating
sometimes people change like the seasons


listen to you now, just carrying on
how i hurt your heart like i did you wrong
but we both know what you did to me


i'm so tired of "i'm sorry" and "it didn't mean shit"
well, if it didn't mean shit, then, why did you do it?
and i'm not saying that i'm so perfect
but i gave you my heart and you stomped on it


so, before you go and tell the world i'm so heartless
you should stop for a second
count your faults in this
think of how you're in this predicament
had a girl that loved you hard
but you ruined it


baby, i'm gonna tell you
tell you like it is
if you would have been good
you wouldn't feel like this


had to let you go, yes
had to break out
if i didn't do it now
i would have just broke down


you need to understand why i'm heartless now
just a product of your words and your lies spun round
tangled in your web
now you're so strung out


i used to love you senseless
but you made me heartless
oh, it's your fault i'm heartless
oh, i'm so heartless.

things i wish i could say out loud. no. SCREAM out loud.

Please hear me out.

See right through me.

Take my mask off and see my misery.

Don't just try but please, FIX ME.

Make me whole again, I know you can.

When I smile, see my hidden tears, it's there.

Feel my pain.

Get in me, feel my pain and make it better.

When I say I'm fine, please know that I'm not and nothing is.

Everything is falling apart in my world.

Help me build it up again and never let it fall.

Please.

Just see all this.

Break through my walls.

Climb up on it, whatever.

Just get here.

With me.

Fix this for me.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to make it better.

I know you know how to make it better.

Please.

It's killing me to cover this up every single day.

Literally.

It's killing me.

I can feel it eating me from the inside.

Please. 

Make my world better and never leave again.