too small of a heart

being a Bio student in matricualtion college, i should've expected that i'd be doing crazy shit like dissecting a rat! yes, i know time form 5 pun ada dissect dissect ni, tp unfortunately my class didn't do it. dissecting a frog tu, yeah, we skippped that. so tu dissect a rat or anything actually is a bit, no, a LOT out of this world for me. padahal cita cita nk jadi vet -_-"

so, on the morning of August 17th haritu, bgn la mcm biasa. nk pegi class. i was well-informed that Bio Exp number 9, 10, 11, 12 tu akan dijalankan pada hari itu. yes, the dissection. i wasn't scared. tp mcm excited. sebab tk pernah buat. however, still kesian kat tikus tikus tu. so, in the morning tu, tgh siap2 nk pegi lecture, snap2 gambar jap

haha. letak satu je cukup laa. and then, at 9 masuk lab. still excited. mcm tk percaya pun ada jgk. like "biar betul aku nk bedah tikus ni". LOL. okay, so masuk lah. after dh ambik semua utensils dia.. now, nk kena pegi ambik tikus pulak. the tikus is not completely dead but not alive either

rupa mcm sergeon tk? haha. bodoh gila. padahal time ni snap gmbr sebab apa? sebab tk berani buat. siap nangis okay. haha. tkde lah sobbing tp mcm tearing up sikit bukan sebab takut. sebab kesian. and the thing smells like.. ah tau tau jelah. even the cikgu offered tu bukak kan (yes, bukak. as in, cut the thing open). my classmates pun offer nk buatkan. sebab semua dh start cutting sana, cutting sini. my tikus je yg still there. pinned on that thing but not cut open yet. time nk pin kan kaki and tgn dia tu pun rasa mcm kesian gila. LOL. last last, cikgu bukakkan jugak.

so, there you go. geli kan? hahaha. tu baru sikit. we're supposed to like cut him open, and keluarkan everything out his tummy. to study the digestion system. pastu naik atas pulak, nk study dia punya circulation system. the heart, lungs semua tu lah.

okay. dah cukup. tgk balik gambar gambar ni give me goosebumps. haha. nasib baik cikgu bagi snap2 gmbar. tkde lah tension sgt. snap sana, snap sini. siap record video semua. and then, the last part of this experiment is to cut off the head! gila? yes. but we need to do it to study the nervous system which was the brain. so, we need to like get the brain out. and yes, i did :( and you'd think that while i'm doing all of this, the heart stops. but no, it didn't. even after it's headless, the heart is still beating. yes, ada logical explanation. it's a part of what we studied. so, yeah. there we go.

apa laaa. kata nak jadi veterinarian, tapi nk dissect benda alah ni pun susah sgt. kalau betul betul ada case nanti, entah berapa lama la the poor animal kena duduk unconcious in my O.R tu. haihh.

a moment of deep thoughts

after reading my friend's blog ni, http://http://shitsinmylife.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-miss-you.html, terasa mcm "awwwwhh" LOL. don't get me wrong, i loved the years i spent in CBN. i love CBN with all my heart and of course i love all the friends that i've connected with, hated the enemy, disliked the bitches and hoes and cherish the ones i've come across with. i loved it all.



but now i'm all alone. and memang at first, it sounds shitty. being alone kan. but it's actually a good thing for me. there's a lot of things that i do now but couldn't do it before. A LOT. i used to be accompanied everywhere i go. i wasn't that dependent, but definitely not independent either. tapi skrg, i have no choice. i have to stand on my own. semua kena buat sendiri. at first dulu, memang tk biasa. sumpah rasa cam nk nangis. but i realize now it's actually pretty soothing. being alone and lonely is different. being alone sometimes is what everyone needs. but being lonely tu lain cerita lah.

so, now i'm used to the idea of being alone. sampai kadang kadang i find it annoying to have people around. tp tkde la sampai ke tahap being a loner. tu melampau lah. haha. and tu Nurul, i miss you too. and you awarded me with The-Best-Person-To-Talk-With-About-Boys Award? wow. i'm flattered. ahahaha. i miss 5N 2008 too. no doubt lah. i miss everything about school (apahal lah aku ckp cmni. mcm tua sgt je)

so, anyway.. this blog is actually dedicated to Nurul and the other 5Ners. i love you guys. i love you Nurul. i love you Farahnor. i love you Fatin. i love you Tass (btw, mana you? call laaaaa. i miss you like hell babe). i love you ,Ezora. i miss everyone. i miss you guys. and i love you guys. memang boleh sumpah i won't ever forget you guys. never :)

sincerely,

Amelya Jamal