wrecked.

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain.

We jumped, never asking why.

We kissed.

I fell under your spell.

A love no one could deny.

Don't you ever say I just walked away.

I will always want you.

I can't live a lie, running for my life. 

I will always want you.

I came in like a wrecking ball.

I never hit so hard in love.

All I wanted was to break your walls.

All you ever did was break me.

You, you wreck me.

I put you high up in the sky.

And now, you're not coming down.

It slowly turned, you let me burn.

And now, we're ashes on the ground.

I came in like a wrecking ball.

I just closed my eyes and swung.

Left me crashing in a blazing fall.

All you ever did was wreck me.

You, you wreck me.

I never meant to start a war.

I just wanted you to let me in.

And instead of using force,

I guess I should've let you win.

Don't you ever say I just walked away.

I will always want you.

cut the crap!

There's this thing that has been going on for a while between me and guys. And all this time, I took it lightly and decided not to pay much attention to it. But today, it has reached the point where I feel like it has got to stop.

Seriously needed to be stopped cos I found myself crying because of it.

Ok so straight to the point is.. Guys are always getting the idea that I am a "budak bandar". City girl. Budak KL. And yes, they're right. I am. I was born in a city, raised in a big city. Safe to say, I was born & bred in the city, yes. I am  your so-called "budak bandar", your so-called city girl, your so-called budak KL.

But fuck u all if u think I don't have a big heart, or big dreams to be achieved, or any empathy towards others. Go screw yourselves.

Just because I was raised in a city, u think I'm a bitch? Wait, isn't that like assuming my parents are a bunch of assholes because u think I'm a bitch? So.. I must not be raised well. Typical city girl. Typical uptown girl with her money and big cars.

Well, guess what? My mom wasn't a city girl. So.. she raised me up with a lot of dignity. She thaught me how to socialize with EVERYBODY WITH EQUALITY AND NO JUDGING. So, I'm thinking.. maybe if being a city girl that I am means I am thaught to treat everyone the same and never assume, ok then. I am a city girl and proud of it.

Major problem here now is just that guys from not so "city-ish" places tend to feel inferior of me and then they make so many excuses that make me feel suicidal cos I'm THAT bad.

Example 1:

"yelah, u budak KL, budak bandar. mesti la u takkan suka laki mcm i"

Example 2:

"u tak kisah ke naik kereta dgn i ni? yelah, kereta ni kecik je. u kan nak jaga standard. budak bandar kan"

U know what? I'm sick of all these kind of bullshit. So, instead of u guys just man up and be confident about yourself, u put the fucking blame on me? We're not gonna work out because I'm the "budak bandar" and I'm the one making such a fuss? Most of the time, it's the guys! I never give a shit about who's driving what or who's paying what. It's u guys who are sooo insecure!

I mean.. if u were really so repulsing for me, why would I even talk to u in the first place? Did u ever ask yourselves that? I could've just said "ughh why are u even talking to me. stop breathing my air." when we first met if I was that bitchy of a city girl.

Dumbasses. Dumbasses everywhere.

cowardly idiot.

So.. this news has been broadcast sooo many times here in Malaysia. Not to mention, the video lah kan. It's going viral!

Idk if u guys can view the video or not but if u can't, u can always look it up on YouTube. Try going under "suami pukul isteri dalam lif" and I'm sure you'll get some of this.

Of course, I am very furious about this. Like WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH YOU, M*****F*****?? Bodoh ke bangsat? Perempuan tu bini kau lah, sial.

I'm not so sure about the real story. But from what I heard.. this stupidhead was angry because the wife (the victim) didn't wanna go beraya to his 1st wife's house. That being said, we now know that this guy has 2 or maybe even more wives. And maybe the victim here has some disagreements about going to the 1st wife's house. I'm sure she has her own reasons. Or not. But still, even if she's at fault.. how masculine of u to go slapping and hitting her around. Really. Very masculine. Oh wow. So macho.

But then.. from what I read, the reason for his wrath was one of their 2 kids didn't wanna go back with him. Which is an even more ridiculous reason to beat the wife! 

Dah la gemok! Dayus pulak tu! Nak kata bodoh pun tak cukup. First of all, kalau betul la the victim is his 2nd wife, can u imagine how it went before marrying the girl? He already had a wife! And he still wanted to marry this girl. So.. he married the girl. God knows what happened between him and 1st wife. Entah 1st wife tu bagi permission ke tak entah. Now that he married the girl.. making her his 2nd wife, nak belasah yg ni pulak sebab taknak jumpa the 1st wife? Hamboi. Naik bulu ni bro. Kau ingat perempuan ni apa? Kuli batak kau?

I guess he felt so threatened or hurt or angered by whatever the girl said or did, that he could only think of hitting her and hurting her physically in order to win. Huh. It's clearly seen his masculinity is easily bruised. No, wait. He didn't have any. No masculinity. No balls. Idiotic ball-less stupidhead.

Fucking fucktard.

news flash.

lol. so typical. from HER guy. oh god dammmit.

Halo.

I never promised u a ray of light. I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday. I gave u everything I have. The good, the bad. Why do u put me on a pedestal? I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below. So, help me down. You've got it wrong. I don't belong there.

One thing is clear. I wear a halo. I wear a halo when u look at me. But standing from here, u wouldn't say so. U wouldn't say so if u were me.

I always said that I would make mistakes. I'm only human and that's my saving grace. I'll fall as hard as I try, so, don't be blinded. See me as I really am. I have flaws and sometimes, I even sin. So, pull me from that pedestal. I don't belong there.

I'd like to think that u know me, but in your eyes, I am something above me. That's only in your mind.

Only in your mind, I wear a halo.

pretentious.

I'm sorry everything is going downhill. I'm sorry that nothing is going as planned. To be honest, I never planned this. Everything that is going on and that has been going on were definitely spontaneous. I wouldn't actually say it was out of our control, because frankly, it was in our control. We just didn't want to. I don't even know how we're stuck here. So dysfunctional. It's almost too hard for me to ignore. But it's there. In front of me. So, one way or another, I gotta deal with it.

And for that, I'm sorry I'm not dealing with it in the most matured way or to be specific, the way you want me to handle it. I never knew what you wanted. Never knew what you expected. I'm sorry if this sounds a lot like a defeat but I guess I'm tired. Tired trying to figure it out. Trying to figure you out. Tired of trying to figure this out.

Maybe, one fine day, I'd have all the strength again. I'll gather all my might again. To play this game, with you, again. You caught me off-guard, baby. I wasn't at my strongest when you met me. Wasn't at my best. I was at my lowest point. You brought me up. And just when I'm high enough to be okay, you let go. So, now I'm back where I was. Lower than I've ever been.

Sorry for being this weak. Sorry I couldn't handle this better. I'm not at my best at the moment. I thought at this age, all the games will be put aside. I guess I was wrong. Lol. You must love this. Me, being wrong.

As said by a dear friend; Kalau hati boleh pecah, dah lama terbarai.

Swallow me, then, spit me out.

protecting me

You

You're always there for me

When I need you most

Day and night

You're by my side

Protecting me

When I feel like crashing down

You seem to be around

There you are

You're not that far 'cause

Whenever

Wherever

Baby,

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might 

And you'll never let me go

Protecting me

You listen to me when

I speak out loud and you

You know right when my heart's been bent

When my life's tumbling around

You take me off the ground

You tell me everything's okay

Whenever

Wherever 

Baby,

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might

You'll never let me go

When its my turn

To help you out 

I'll gladly lift you up without a doubt

Whenever

Wherever 

Baby

You'll protect me

No matter what

Hold me tight 

With all your might 

You'll never let me go

You

Were always there for me

When I need you most

Day and night you're by my side

Protecting me

impossibility.

If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You're falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

heartless

coldest story ever told
but, the part that they don't know
you broke my heart and changed my soul
and yes, you left.


yes, you left me so heartless.
how could you be so heartless?


you look at me like Dr. Evil
but you brought the other side that i don't know
and i can't help it because you're the reason
for the change in me and why my heart turned cold


you look at me in disbelief
and haven't figured out why you're alone
maybe it had something to do with the cheating
sometimes people change like the seasons


listen to you now, just carrying on
how i hurt your heart like i did you wrong
but we both know what you did to me


i'm so tired of "i'm sorry" and "it didn't mean shit"
well, if it didn't mean shit, then, why did you do it?
and i'm not saying that i'm so perfect
but i gave you my heart and you stomped on it


so, before you go and tell the world i'm so heartless
you should stop for a second
count your faults in this
think of how you're in this predicament
had a girl that loved you hard
but you ruined it


baby, i'm gonna tell you
tell you like it is
if you would have been good
you wouldn't feel like this


had to let you go, yes
had to break out
if i didn't do it now
i would have just broke down


you need to understand why i'm heartless now
just a product of your words and your lies spun round
tangled in your web
now you're so strung out


i used to love you senseless
but you made me heartless
oh, it's your fault i'm heartless
oh, i'm so heartless.

things i wish i could say out loud. no. SCREAM out loud.

Please hear me out.

See right through me.

Take my mask off and see my misery.

Don't just try but please, FIX ME.

Make me whole again, I know you can.

When I smile, see my hidden tears, it's there.

Feel my pain.

Get in me, feel my pain and make it better.

When I say I'm fine, please know that I'm not and nothing is.

Everything is falling apart in my world.

Help me build it up again and never let it fall.

Please.

Just see all this.

Break through my walls.

Climb up on it, whatever.

Just get here.

With me.

Fix this for me.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to make it better.

I know you know how to make it better.

Please.

It's killing me to cover this up every single day.

Literally.

It's killing me.

I can feel it eating me from the inside.

Please. 

Make my world better and never leave again.

baggages.

i've gotten rid of a big baggage from my life. i'm not proud of it. nope. definitely not happy about it. because to this baggage is where i cling on for almost 2 years. i depend on this baggage for too long. i needed the baggage. hell, i still need the baggage. but the truth is, i can't handle it. can't handle the baggage. there's too much going on in my life and yet, i still feel like i don't have enough on my plate. i long for freedom. i long for my own time. my own turf. and so.. i got rid of this baggage. selfish as that may sound, i never wanted or meant for anyone or anything to get hurt. cliche, cheesy, i know. but it's true. obviously no one ever meant to hurt anyone else intentionally. unless, of course, in some cases. some rare cases. but, not this. not mine. i wanted to just let go. i was done. needed a breather. need some fresh air. some time alone. but i guess the baggage had something to say

"Menyesal aku kenal dgn kau"

"Aku taknak tengok muka kau lagi, oh god"

"Tolong jangan contact lagi pls"

so, i guess i got what i wanted. which was my time alone. freedom and my own turf. and the baggage.. well, he'll find another someone to take care of and share life with. am i happy about this departure? no. am i sad about it? yes. am i starting to hate the baggage? as a matter of fact, yes, actually. i didn't plan on hating but hey, with those last words, who could resist such hateful relationship huh? oh yes, speaking of those last words, here's what i'd love to reply to what was said by the baggage.

"Aku tak menyesal kenal dengan kau. Aku bersyukur. Sebab kalau tak kenal kau, tak dapat la aku nak realize betapa ramai awesome people i've missed out on"

"Eh please. Aku pun takde la hadap sangat, teringin sangat nak tengok muka kau tu."

"No contacts? With pleasure!"

other than that, i still wish my baggage a long, happy, prosperous life. it deserves it. for what it's worth, we have had our own beautiful memories that i couldn't have imagined with any other baggage. so, i pray for all good things coming its way :)

just leave.

attention to everyone who's reading this,

please, please and please realize; that when u walk out of my life, i tend to delete u out for good. in other words, the moment u walk out, i'll close the door and lock it, then eat the key, chew it to pieces, swallow it and later shit it out as.. well.. shit.

if u choose to walk out, please just do it with no hesitation. and would u be a dear and close the door on your way out of my life? thanks :)

it bothers me that when someone who, in the past, made it very clear that he can't and won't stay any longer in my life comes back lingering around my life. what the fuck man? u said u wanna go. then go. don't come back. ever! and if you're wondering how i get over u so fast, i didn't! i just don't wanna be stupid to let u in again. so once you're out, you're out. don't even dream of coming back. i'll be fine without your presence. i always have been.

so, please take note. unless you're my boyfriend or any member of my family.. i don't think i'll ever regret letting u go. and if u wanna leave, don't even hesitate. because chances are, u don't even mean that much to me. jangan buat perangai macm palat, dah habis habis maki gaduh semua, pastu blah. a couple days, weeks, months, years after that, datang balik kat aku buat buat macam nothing happened. memang barking at the wrong tree lah. aku dah la memang susah nak forgive & forget.

so pandai-pandai la bawak diri masing-masing ye.

her

i know i shouldn't but i did it anyways.


i got jealous when u told me about your ex. also known as your former lover. i know it was a long time ago. and i know it's been a while that u guys have spoken to each other but.. i still do feel jealous. and i guess a bit sad. should i? this should be normal right? tell me this is normal. and tell me that this would pass.


idk how u felt when u knew about mine but i was fine when u first told me about your ex. i just realize it now. i realized that i'm a bit bothered by it.


i don't like this feeling. i don't wanna care about it. but i do. i don't wanna think about it. but i do.


i guess i have to be stronger to just ignore this one and move on. i'm sure it's nothing. maybe i'm just bored and have nothing else to think about -_-"

bliss

a new Hijr yeas has downed upon us all. and soon, 2012 is coming too.


i realized that throughout this whole year, a lot of shits happened. i lost a lot of people; people that used to be in my life, that used to mean so much, that i used to love so much. i lost them. not in the term that they passed away. although, there were a couple of people i know passed away (may they rest in peace). but no. i lost those people from my life as in.. that person isn't the person anymore. i'd say they changed. but i'm sure i did too. oh well. things change. people change.


but still, i'm thankful. thankful for all the memories i had with them. it was nice when it was nice. and i guess, like most things in life.. even nice moments have expiry dates. so, it was nice while it lasted.


i've lost some people. but i've gotten to know new ones. and not all the new ones are pleasant. but i'm glad it happened the way it did. i know He has something good planned out for me. so, let the past be the past and keep moving forward.


all those hard moments that happened, i wish i could look back at them and flip them and say "hah! i survived that shit! what now?"
i believe in Allah. and i trust him to guide me through whatever. it's just that sometimes, things get so hard that i lost my grip. i'd forget that what happened, happened for something good later.


all in all, i just feel thankful for everything that i have now. i have enough clothes to put on, enough food to feed my hunger, a roof above my head. not forgetting my irreplaceable family. super-cool friends, and lastly.. an awesome boyfriend. i have all i need at the moment. and i hope it stays this way forever, insyaAllah :)

my unread story

i really hate it when people refer to me as a spoiled brat or anak orang kaya. okay, people need to like understand that i'm nowhere near that!

i don't get whatever i want easily. it's true, i do get most of the things that i want but trust me, i have to go through hell before i can actually have my hands on it. so, please. shut up and think before u judge my life okay. i have to work hard for what i want. i have to earn everything i want. but yes, of course, sometimes it comes free. contoh, kalau orang bagi gift ke apa. tu dah memang nasib baik lah kan.

what u see about me, about my life semua ni, is what i CHOOSE TO SHOW. so maybe korang semua memang tak pernah and tak akan nampak the other side of me and my life. u don't know what kind of hell i've been through and STILL going through.

trust me, this life i'm leading, yeah.. it's not one of those normal lives that u see on TV. let's face it, no one actually live a normal life. mesti ada jugak keunikannya.

so, if u guys ever think i'm more privileged than u are, think again. maybe what i have is what u don't have. but have u ever thought that maybe u have something that i don't? come on, life isn't fair. takboleh la one person nak ada semua. mesti kena balance. you got some, and i got some. that's why we need each other in this world. to balance each other out.

okay, dah. tu je nak cakap. jgn suka suka je make assumptions sendiri tentang org lain. err boleh tu boleh la. tapi sampai nak bitch out about it sampai merosakkan hidup orang lain? tak perlu lah kot. setakat nak judge dari jauh tu nak buat mcm mana kan. memang lumrah manusia la ada opinion sendiri about everyone. tapi keep it to yourself sudah la. jgn kecoh sangat.

on your way out

it's sad.

yeah, very sad. when the one you trusted, the
one you shared everything with, the one you thought would always have your back
finally turn around and spike you from faaaaarr.

i told you everything about everyone. everytime i have a problem with anything or anyone, even the slightest bit of wrong in my day pun i would tell you. because like i've said before.. you always have a way to make me feel better. rasa-rasanya, kalau langit tu finally jatuh, runtuh atas muka bumi ni pun, kau still boleh buat benda-benda or cakap benda-benda yg would sound like everything's gonna be okay. you always have a way to make me feel secured. safe. i was safe as long as i got you. and then, kau cakap.. selagi kau bernafas, kau takkan tinggalkan aku.

but now, you're the one who ruin it. now, i wish i have another you so that i can call him/her up and tell him/her about you, about how you made me cry. aku tak sangka kita akan jadi mcmni. betul betul tak sangka. kau lah satu-satunya yg aku rasa takkan ever, EVER dissapoint me or let me down. tapi aku salah anggap kot. betul lah orang cakap, sebaik mana pun kawan, mesti dia akan buat kita nangis jugak. takpelah, aku pun tak salahkan kau sehabis-habisnya. part of it, was my fault jugak kan? seperti yg telah kau nyatakan.

cuma.. aku tak pernah sangka yg we will go this way. dah, aku pun taknak elaborate apa yg aku expect from our friendship ni. honest to God, i had plans about us. i thought we could go further. but you've hurt me so bad this time. aku tak rasa aku pernah rasa seteruk ni. betul lah org cakap, kena tibai byk kali mcm mana pun, konon dah biasa, dah tak sakit. tapi bila org yg kita tak pernah sangka boleh buat kita nangis finally buat kita nangis, perghhh. dalam gila la terasa pedihnya.

apa-apa pun, take good care of yourself, buddy. i will miss having you in my life.

seeing stripes?

why are tiger cubs so damn cute? or is it me who's losing it here? okay, make sense if i'm the lune here. i mean, first, i thought baby pandas are cute. but.. that was like right after i watched Kung Fu Panda 2. go figure -.-

and then, i fell in love with baby tigers?! that's probably due to excessive exposure to their image on TV, damn it! yes, i am SO BORED at home that even MTV or all those Kardashians baggage can entertain me no more. and mind you, i have no movie channels. therefore, occassionally, i tune in to those discovery channels or nat geo(s) or the animal planet channels. so, yeah, if you're wondering, yes, i HAD consider of pulling the trigger on my brain if i even have a gun in the first place, just to save myself from dying out of boredom instead.

but no, suicide plans are not the input here. i just can't get over the fact how warm and soft i get, just for the cubs. i mean seriously, who goes all "awwww" to tigers? not just the cubs, even the big, fully-grown adult ones. haih. i am really losing it.

and plus, they sound so cute! they don't do the gruesome roars like the adults. they have a merely playful roar that will make u go "awww, u tried to roar" -.- yes please, shoot me. and of course, as cubs, they're as playful as kittens. jumping around here and there, chasing their own tails and rolling all over with their siblings.

hm. i should really go get a job. or just go out more often while i still can. oh riiiiiigggghhhhttttt. in order to go out, i would need money. in order to have money, i have to work. in order to work, i have to actully go out and find one. but, to go out, i'd need money.funny how i feel like i keep going round and round on this.

bang bang boom *shoot myself*

realize

in this past couple of months.. i've finally come to my senses and realized.. that i'm not ready to be in a relationship. ahh, bite me. and it's such a pain to know that i had to hurt someone to realized that. maybe la, i'm not sure if i got someone hurt or not.

and also, i've discovered that i'm not a girlfriend-material kind of girl. haha. yes i know, i'm a flirt. well, most of the time i am. but come on, let's get real. i'm not what most guys would want in a realtionship. alright, sampai situ je nak cakap. tak perlu elaborate lebih lebih kot.

I'm just a better friend than i am a girlfriend. so, when i'm friends with guys, they might find me easy to get along with. or easy to talk with or whatever. but when i'm The Girlfriend, oh shit, the grenade just dropped!

idk, maybe it's just me. i'd get all nervous and uncomfortable about it and ended up screwing everything up. and for that, i apologize in advance to u guys. (u guys should know who u are). and also, i apologize to those who felt like u've been played or cheated or taken-advantage-of in the past. i sincerely didn't mean to hurt any of u guys. and i believe u guys deserve better.

*so, please. no grudges needed to be held. past is past. let it just be another by-gone and go back to being friends. (sigh). as much as i hate it, i understand if it's hard for u to let this go and get back to being friends. fine, i ain't pushing myself on u. i just hope u'll frogive me someday. and thank you for everything.

it's not working out :/

isn't it funny that when we wanna break up with someone, the thing that popped in our mind is probably..
"sorry dude, you're not good enough for me" or "sorry babe, you're not good enough for me".

itu initially. but before we say those words, mesti kita akan fikir balik.. "wait, was i good enough for him/her?" haaaa. lepastu baru la nak start evaluate our ownselves. and sometimes we realize that he/she is sooooo much better than us. and sometimes we think they deserve better than us too, sebab kita pun takde la perfect sgt. tapi this is the common situations laa.

ada jugak situations when memang we are aware that WE ARE BETTER than them. dah kalau diorang terang-terang curang or whatever, then, we won't have any problem lah to say "you're not good enough for me" kan? or some people yg memang jenis perasan hebat and perasan perfect tu.. haa, tu lain kes sikit la. kalau yg jenis mcmtu, memang setiap kali break-up, the partner je akan disalahkan and memang takkan hesitate lah to say "sorry la, you're just not good enough for me". itu lain kes, lain kali baru kita buat lain punya cerita. sambung balik cerita tadi..

i guess what i'm trying to say here is just.. the common thing yg we always hear during break-ups like, "it's not you, it's me" or "i'm sorry. this is for the better" or kata-kata lain yg kononnya sopan tu pada mulanya takde la sopan. mula-mula mesti orang yg nak break tu fikir lain actually. they wanna say something else yg bad tetapi diorang berhenti sejenak sebab terfikir pasal diri sendiri dulu. and tertanya-tanya pulak, "did i do my best in this relationship", and time tu baru nak fikir pasal salah sendiri during the relationship. when i say they actually wanna say bad things bukan lah bad things sgt yg diorang nak cakap. tapi cuba fikir, kalau org nak break, mesti ada reason kan? reason mcm "i tak happy lah dgn you" or "i suka/sayang/minat orang lain" or "i rasa kita different lah. tak serasi" or apa apa lah. so, you see? the reasons tu bukan lah kejam tapi cuba bayangkan, kalau bf/gf kita sendiri tetiba cakap mcmtu, mesti lah org yg mendengar ni tersinggung perasaan kan? haa, tu yang terfikir nak jadi sopan sikit tu. kalau ada la terfikir nak jadi sopan. kalau tak, tu taktau la. kadang-kadang tu fikir punya fikir, sampai terus tak jadi nak minta break sebab dah sedar salah sendiri and terasa mcm nak berubah and save the relationship. pulak dah.

okay, jap. now, i don't know why i'm talking about this issue. i guess.. it just popped in my head lah kot. and yes, memang post ni mcm a bit vague and confusing. even i, myself don't understand what i'm crapping about.

oh well.

put a sock in it!

a few things bothered me these days. and benda yang paling obvious, paling selalu occur lah kan time-time cuti ni.. is how guys always stressing on about me learning how to cook.

i mean.. seriously, who the hell do you guys think you are? kalau korang tu bapak aku, takpe lah jugak. ayah aku sendiri pun kadang-kadang ajak jugak aku berjinak-jinak kat dapur tu. tapi gasak lah kan. dia ayah aku. and he cooks up really tasty meals too. so.. bila dia sebok sebok suruh aku "tengok ni, papa ajar mcm mana nak buat kari".. i don't really protest. because i know that he's not asking me to cook for his own benefit. he just wants me to cook for my own benefit. so that later on, in my life, i'll know how to survive. and even kalau dia memang ajar aku masak for his own benefit, then, so be it lah! dia ayah aku. i am totally fine with cooking for my dad. i mean all this while, he's been cooking for me kan? *by the way, mama, jasamu tetap dikenang. mama masak pun sedap. since i'm talking about guys here.. mama punya part tak masuk byk sgt lah okay?*

now, korang yang supposedly "my friends" ni kan.. boleh la stop with all this shit okay? i know why you're always bringing it up. sebab kononnya i should learn how to cook, so i can cook for my husband kan? ehh tolonglah. give me a break.

korang ke yg nak jadi laki aku? tak kan? ke korang memang dah plan nak buat aku jadi bini korang? kalau ye, memang aku reject awal awal ni lah, gila. belum apa apa lagi, dah nak mengarah aku buat itu ini. belum tunang, belum couple, belum apa.. dah suruh aku belajar masak? pegi jalan laa weh. nak buat buat manja pulak, konon nak makan benda aku masak. aishh, muak aku dengar. kalau betul aku handal bab bab memasak ni pun, belum tentu lagi kau dapat merasa. bukan kita tinggal sebumbung ke apa yg kau nak merasa makanan aku masak.

jadi, sesiapa yang terasa tu, ambik jelah sebijik ye. bukan nak kurang ajar ke apa, tapi seriously la kawan, benda ni memang sumpah bapak annoying gila. dalam bahasa lain, a real royal pain in the ass. don't get me wrong. i would love to learn how to cook. tapi bila benda tu budak lelaki yang suruh, dengan alasan "nanti kan nak jadi bini orang".. aku memang naik minyak la. aku tak pernah pulak bercita cita nak kahwin pastu jadi kuli batak orang. aku nak belajar masak ke apa ke biar kat aku lah. and aku tak pernah pun terfikir "aku ni bengap kalau pasal memasak. tak lama lagi nak kahwin. so, aku kena la belajar masak. nanti boleh masak sedap sedap untuk laki aku"
-______________________-" MEMANG TAK PERNAH LA WEH.

hopefully, sesiapa yang terbaca ni and terasa, jgn la get offended sangat okay. and trust me, as hard as it is to believe, a lot, i repeat, A LOT of you guys do this. tolong lah, stop it. insyaAllah, KALAU aku kahwin, laki tu akan paham yang aku bukan chef terkemuka dunia. setakat masak air boleh la. and kalau laki tu tak faham, kitorang takkan kahwin pun. so.. why don't you guys take care of yourselves, and i'll try to take good care of mine alright?

ciao!