takde motif

wehh. i hate it here. too many assignments and other shit in so little time. people keep telling me to hold on, 2 bulan je lagi. pehh. 2 bulan? 2 bulan tu kira lama lah kat sini. memang lah pejam celik je dah habis. tapi sementara nak tunggu tu, hadoyyyy.




ni pun actually online sebab tgh nak cari info about a cat. haha. esok ada public speaking. eh jap, tak, bukan. ada pengucapan awam. dah tajuk bebas ni kan, apa kata buat tajuk yg mengarut sikit. like this cat named Oscar.

haa. si Oscar ni org panggil dia The Death Cat. sebab dia somehow boleh tau bila orang nak mati. okay tak, bukan mcmtu. tu mcm tahyul sgt. tah la. korang pegi la Google sendiri psl kucing ni. dah lama dah tau psl dia ni. tapi baru sekarang nak betul2 research. haha. entah2 kucing ni pun dah takde dah.

okay dah. sorry post kali ni agak boring. bnyk benda nak cakap actually tapi takde masa. so, gotta go now. nak buat assignment2 bengong ni.

:-)

pregged up?

It amazes me how after living with them for almost 20 years, my family can still suprise me with the things they do or say. Okay well, I've only lived with my brothers for 15 years but still. Like yesterday.. we went out. And as usual, kalau jalan kat KL ni, ada je lah free stuff, or the people who are trying to promote something on the sidewalks.


So, yesterday, ada la one lady gave some kind of poster to my youngest brother. He took it without even looking at her face and mumbled "thanks".


None of us cared about it. So, he just shoved it in a bag and we just moved on with our day. Then at home.. we were checking all the stuff we bought and apparently, the stuff we got. And then, my brother found the poster thing and looked confused.. he went and ask my mom

"Eh ma, ni nak buat apa? kakak dah pregnant ke?"

Ya Allah! Gila ke apa adik aku ni. It turns out, the poster was one of those things that you can lekat on the window of your car.. and it says "Baby On Board"

At that time, I was in the kitchen with my mom and he came in with that thing. I gave him a good slap and he laughed and mom made the best "what-is-wrong-with-you-people?" face.

opened eyes

New things I've come to realized about myself. Well, they're probably not new, but I never thought of writing it down. And now i am gonna write it down, just so I know mself better ;)

1. I can't live without consuming chicken and eggs. Weird huh?




2. I can always have enough of everything, but when it comes to seafood, I don't think I'll ever stop. Yikes!




3. It's hard for boys to please me because I have a very, very, very high up-in-the-air kind of ego. Yeah.




4. Even when I'm full of these ego, I still have a heart underneath it all.




5. I get touched by a lot of things. Just like a normal girl. eg: candlelight dinners, sweet words (that are actually lies), chocolates given form guys, flowers given from guys, little gestures like when guys giving thier jacket to me, saving me from danger of some kind.




6. I get over this warm fuzzy feeling as fast as i could




7. I'm very selfish and inconsiderate




8. I try not to get hooked on anyone because I don't wanna get hooked. I wanna be on my own.
   
   
   
9. I don't like depending on people.
   
   
   
10. I like to help the people I like to help, because when I do nice things for others, it's as sincere as it can get. So, if I help you, don't doubt me. I'll go all the way.
    
    
    
11. I care too much about people who doesn't even give a fuck about me.
    
    
    
12. I have a dark past which is love-related and I wish I can let everyone know about it so they can understand me better. But sadly, that's not ethical.
    
    

reconcilation

To whom it may concern :

MSIbMS - I may have started disliking you but I never stopped liking you.

AHbAA - I love you. And you know it. Shut up and don't ask stupid questions.

RAbAR - I miss your presence. You're sincerely the coolest friend I've ever had. Having you around was really soothing. You made everything seemed easy. Come back to me :(

FRbA - I miss you. We were close once. Even if it was just for a while, it felt like a long time. We should reminisce the memories.

NAbM - Those primary school years are waaay behind us. But, who ever said we should stop the bond we created? Gahhh. I miss you.

AFb?? - Haha. Sorry, I forgot your last name. We were close too. Close enough that we can dream ridiculous dreams.. like you cycling me to school everyday. Which is from Kelana Jaya to KL -.-"

AJbMJ - I miss you lah. The times we spent trying to kill each other were priceless. And I have a feeling, we'll have no more of that.

AJbMJ - Since you are the twin of the above person, the same message goes to you :) Oh, and I appreciate you guys keeping our secret as our secret. Please do so until the end of time.

no other way

things are finally getting better. phew!

i'm going back in a couple days, so hopefully, things will stay the way it is. because obviously, i don't wanna go back to Perlis knowing that everything is still mcm shit. oh yeah, ada satu saying ni, if you love something, you may have to let it go. and if it comes back, it's definitely meant for you.

and i did it! i let it go. well, actually dh pernah buat dh. entah lah. tp dulu tk susah sangat. susah la jugak, sakit la jugak. but this is definitely the hardest thing to let go lah. time ni lagi susah. time ni lagi sakit. tp takpe lah, biar jelah. lagi lama, nanti lg teruk pulak. so, biar sakit sekarang, daripada later, maybe worst.

perghhh. senang gila cakap. nanti kalau rindu, mesti sakit nak mati. ahh takpe lah. the best for both of us. so, this is the last decision. memang betul betul gonna do it. maybe la. hopefully boleh buat -__-

" Dear God, the only thing i ask of you

is to hold him when I'm not around.

When I'm much too far away. "

the after math

one gone, another three comes tagging along

so, basically, everything's been rough for me. ye, betul. EVERYTHING. friends, are drifting apart. lovers, even further. family, close but not close enough. strangers? strangers are strangely getting closer and not so much of a stranger now.

to AH, everything you've helped me through is much, much appreciated. you've always been a shoulder to cry on and you always listen about the craps that happend. haha. you solved some of it too. thanks H :)

and to ZH, my newly stranger-becoming-not-so-strange, it's fun having you around. your innocence made me forget about how hot you are, and how bad-ass you look. padahal you're so, so, so innocent. damn. i thought with your bad-boy looks, you've been around doing all the possible things you could. but no.

thank god for always giving me companionship. i know i've lost a lot in these past months. i pretty much lost everything, but as time passes by, the new ones come along.

yup, the changes are definitely bringing even more changes.

unbearable searing pain

you know.. when you've been with someone for a while. and when you start to get to know them even better. everything about the person that used to be so damn annoying, so damn irritating becomes a part of what you have to bear everyday. so, in the end, all the unbearable things about the person now becomes all good things pulak. kalau macam tu, is it the same with love?

shit.

when someone you love tells you to leave him, what do you do? or he says something like he's leaving us for our own good? tipu ke apa? if we love him, and he leaves us.. how is that good for us? sheesh. tk faham. tk faham langsung.

dah lah. tktau dah nk ckp apa. tktau nk post apa. banyak je actually nak ckp ni tp tktau cmne nak post on here, without sounding jiwang.

because of you, i cry every night to sleep. lirik lagu ke tu? kalau betul, lagu apa? nak cari. nak download. or mcm ni, i cry every single moment i think of you. haaa. lirik lagu apa tu?

everythings done. eveything's gone. all because of what? the DAMN changes. hoh. i hate this. and i hate that all of this is inevitable. and i know if time can be rewind, i might actually do the exact same thing and would probably end up right at the spot where i am right now. so, this sucks. everything sucks right now. i can't wait to go back to college. to pretend eveything's okay. to pretend my life is good, to pretend everything is in it's goddamn place.

being here. being home. reminds me so much of what i've done. and what i have to suffer through because of what i've done. it's almost impossible to wake up every morning just to know that when i go to sleep later at night, i'll be crying again.

life's just really taking me in right now. and i can't fight it.